I Hired a Snail with A Degree to Run My Body

It took me long enough. But finally, I remember who is controlling me. I am a free man, and for my freedom, I must fight - regardless of who impedes, or why.

I had already finished my electric potion, for pleasure, when the realization hit me. One prior down already. I grab one of several wands scattered on my desk. This one is loosely shaped like a gun. Perfect

A pair of insects sleep inside the shell they share, also sipping on electric nectar. I waited to disturb them, allowing their energy to be conserved for the quest to come.

The Pink and the Purple empower me, and so, I cannot leave my chores undone, lest they drag me down during the duel. 

I pour Blue fluid into the machine, yielding sufficient lubrication for automation, and let it run on default settings. The massive box whirrs on my desk, oscillating for the next fifty predicted minutes. This will justify my outing by making me money - money to convert into time, which is Money. 

Both jade jewelbugs are awoken with the soft pet of a single finger each. Tiny eyes blink blue, then red. Gently, they fly into my two ears, nestling in with a soft chirp, confirming our connection. Ready.

I exit my shared apartment. Walking at a steady pace, head tilted down 45 degrees, aimed toward nowhere in particular so long as I keep moving. The jewelbugs vibrate in the frequency of a Green soundtrack, first composed by a forest wizard and recorded into a listening flower. Having eaten one of its petals, they repeat the songs from memory, and I march to that beat. The electricity of the potion courses through my blood, yet conducts itself through the stick I twiddle in my right hand - my wand, a channel.

Every condition has been met for this rainbow ritual. A cosmic door opens before me. I do not break eye contact with the ground - yet I enter the threshold, fully expecting this. The process is imperfect, but sometimes, you just know.

That blasted Professor is seated at his desk - I blast him. Scarlet beams emit from my eyes, aimed and directed through my magic wand. 

The CRASH of shattering computer ricochets across the room, alongside shards of glass and metal. Instantly upon the impact, dreadful dizziness struck my brain. My knees and hands felt cold metal as a ringing of the ears subsided. 

He didn't even turn to address me.

“I know you knew I was coming," I panted. "Those monitors track each plane of my perception”-

With no respect for my remark, he took the opening he needed. One of four retractable arm-stalks shot out and pressed a button, initiating a RealmSphere dissolve.

Visual reality swirls around me, and resolves itself into a new, yet similar scene. I faced the Professor on the other side of his desk now, sitting in a visitor’s chair. I had been disarmed, and was now restrained by brown belts. The damage I dealt had disappeared, as if it never even happened. Similarly, my head had returned to normal.

"That will not be how you meet with me."

I stared him down, with no response. The dreadful condescension of this arrangement rattled my insides - every detail, down to the discomfort of this seat, conveyed control over me. Doesn’t he know who's the boss here?

“Listen,” he continued, eye-stalks contracting with disdain. “Your life has shifted into a new phase. I spent a year being tossed about during your adventure. You explored with abandon, throwing caution to the wind. I was the one who inherited your conflict, and you knew I would; why else would you hire me?"

Averting my gaze, I acknowledged he was right. All about my body that restricted my soul, I sought to outsource. I thought that would let me be free.

"Well, by your own instruction, and therefore consent, all that was explored shall be refined. The tide has turned, your tax has come due. Now, YOU have to respect ME - and remember - you asked me to be here."

He leaned back onto his compact shell, as if to gesture towards the massive monitors on his desk - implying that the responsibility of managing my mechanisms was immense.

“Will you let us work together?”

[Story by me with words, cover image by me with photoshop]